this year….

this year seems to be headed down a wrong path. it’s only the 2nd week but it’s been so trying.
i feel exhausted, tired, upset, angry, annoyed and just wanting to give everything up already.

all i really feel like doing is to cry and cry but even my tears have failed me, and all i’m left to do is to want to scream in frustration but i cannot because i’d get yelled at by my mom for being irritating.

so all i can do is hope i really get knocked over by a bus so that i can forget *every single thing* that’s been happening last year right up till now.

i don’t wanna know anything any more. i’m sick and tired that nothing’s working out. i’m tired of being played out, made a joke of, and used by others.

i just want everything to end. i want to wash my hands off my own life, but even that i’m not allowed.

i hate being back at square one. :(

i hate my life.

if 2012 doesn’t kill me, or at least wipe my memory clean of the past 1.5years, i’ll die trying to achieve that.

A.

keeping my expectations next to nothing

i’m seriously upset, and really disappointed in myself for being fooled into such trickery.

somehow, i miss d even though he treated me badly in some ways.

i miss m so much more but ‘soon’ usually becomes never, or next to nothing. what he did today isn’t helping my fragile amount of ability in faith and trust that anything’s going to work out well.

maybe i’m doomed to be a friggin’ spinster forever.

i should’ve never trusted any promises men make, they just end up with my heart being broken repeatedly. :’(